How does one react when you aspire to be a gentle parent but your child exhibits an incident of not so gentle behaviour? Physical punishment would be a double standard, for how can you teach your child that hitting is not okay when you’ve used the same action on them?
So then how does a parent stop this kind of behaviour in their child? Young children are always told that hitting in any form is wrong. So despite technically knowing that why do some choose to lash out?
Children use aggression when they think it’s the quickest way to get their point across. When they feel feelings of anger, fear, frustration or disappointment. They don’t enjoy being hurtful to others. They’d much rather be having fun, playing and being loved. But when they feel tense, lonely, disconnected they look for an immediate outlet as they have no impulse control.
Here are some ways in which parents can try to deal with such situations:
- Sensitise them to the effect that has had on the person at the receiving end. Once they feel sorry for that person, encourage an apology.
- Make them realise that every action has a consequence. Losing certain privileges or something that they look forward to could help them understand that their behaviour will result in dealing with repercussions.
- A crucial point, that is often overlooked is helping the child find a better alternative. As a parent we have to help them manage the situation of stress and anger in a socially acceptable way. This doesn’t come naturally to young children and they need a helping hand to learn healthy ways to handle bad feelings. This could be by removing themselves from the situation, by turning to a caregiver or authority figure for help or by practicing a system of cooling down.
What are some appropriate or helpful ways you use to deal with aggressive behaviour in children? Would love some ideas so do share in the comments.