| As is true with any parent, over the past 4 years 8 months there have been innumerable occasions where my children’s behaviour has left me baffled/ frustrated/ angry/ exhausted/ anxious. During these instances there have been several moments where I’ve lost my cool. It isn’t however something I’m proud of. Early on in this journey I identified with gentle parenting and it is something I aspire towards even though I often falter. During such moments or even otherwise it helps reminding myself that – – Gentle parenting is not all or nothing. Whenever I slip up I acknowledge my mistake, to myself and as far possible to the kids. There is no shame in saying sorry to a child. I try to explain what provoked me and how I should learn to control my feelings better and behave more peacefully next time around. If anything this has also served as an example to my kids that it is natural to make mistakes and owning up to them is the way forward. – I am not alone. Every parent experiences such moments of despair. – My child is not my enemy and their behaviour is not intended to provoke me. A behaviour or meltdown which I find inappropriate will have some reason even if I can’t understand it. It could be being tired, hungry, stressed, overwhelmed, disconnected or something else. Their acting out in front of me is because they trust me the most to handle and help them through the difficult feelings they’re experiencing. – I need to have realistic expectations. Children go through various phases related to their age, development and other external forces. Even mature adults don’t exemplify perfect behaviour. It’s silly to expect a child to. – Kids are not bad or good. I strive hard not to impose labels on my child or other children. Behaviour or actions can be described instead. – Being a gentle parent doesn’t mean I have to be permissive. Discipline is still important but my method of discipline needs to be positive, empathetic and can be done by setting boundaries. – My child is first and foremost an individual. Every individual deserves respect. Getting them to toe the line by virtue of my being physically stronger or in power is cruel, will make them feel worthless and damage their self esteem. Would you describe yourself as a Gentle Parent? Would love to hear about your style of parenting in the comments. |